Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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