I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
