Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
