You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
