She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
