I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
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