sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
