This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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