I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
this will be a night to untag.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
