his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
