Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
