all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
