Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
