Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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