He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Green mimosas i think yes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
