My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
