I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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