I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
