connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
