Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
