Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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