dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
