i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
