I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
