so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
