She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
