this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
