There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
