Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
