im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
