I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
