I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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