My hand turned me down
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
