you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we're making bets on your personal life
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
