I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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