Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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