i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
