why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
