i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
