I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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