don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
