We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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