If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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