perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
