I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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