I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
