i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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