Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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