just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
