Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i drank out of a bidet.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i think im in europe. pls send help
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
