wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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