remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He kissed a someone with a penis
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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