The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
