i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
